Debilitating Anxiety at the Rumpus

Attention all four people who read this blog:

Why not check out my Funny Women piece over at The Rumpus? Here, I'll even put the link to it right in this post.

Name your own Super PAC!

Step 1. Choose a status-quo-affirming verb

Protect
Conserve
Preserve
Defend
Guard
Secure
Strengthen
Uphold
Support
Maintain


Step 2. Choose a possessive adjective

Our
Your


Step 3. Choose a hackneyed, buzzwordy noun

Future
America
Country
Homeland
Integrity
Rights
Tomorrow
Citizens
Flag
Nation

And that’s it! Now you’re ready to raise a few thou’ from friendly neighborhood conglomerates and spend it on ethically dubious political advertising! Hooray! Happy Super-PACing, everyone!

Slutty holiday costume alternatives to the standard Slutty Santa

Slutty gift-wrapped iPad

Slutty latke

Slutty canned cranberry sauce

Slutty generic "season's greetings" card

Slutty menorah (group costume)

Slutty family fight about why the damned brand new iPad won't synch up with the PC

Slutty lamb present for the birth of Jesus

Slutty manger

We three sluts (group costume)

Slutty non-denominational Winter Solstice person

3 Tips for How to Be a Savvy, Sexxy Recession-ista!

1. Exfoliate that complexion with cat litter!
2. Pumice those dry heels with cat litter!
3. Eat cat litter!

More Fox News Hypotheses about the Muppets

Pepe the King Prawn – Illegal alien
Grover – Sexual deviant
Oscar the Grouch – Homeless laze-about
Miss Piggy – Feminazi
Snuffleupagus – A real "Ru Paul" type, if you follow.
Count von Count – Illegal alien
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem – Hippie scum
Elmo – Red
Swedish Chef – IKEA-mongering illegal alien
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew – Godless global-warming-monger
Rizzo the Rat – a real “Jon Stewart” type, if you follow.
Statler and Waldorf – Medicare leeches
The Yip Yips – Illegal aliens