I Invite You to the Crazy, Price-slashing Extravaganza!

Hello – furniture lovers! We are pleased to announce that Jeannette’s Home Furniture is now open for business, here in historic Fall River, Massachusetts - home of Lizzie Borden.

Are you looking for a new recliner? Look no further than Jeanette’s fall collection. We’ve got everything you could possibly ever want or need… in a recliner.

Behold our custom, genuine leather recliner. This chair is so comfortable, you won’t be able to believe it. You will feel like you are sitting on a cloud. Cloud 9, even. In fact, if you mention “cloud nine” when you enter our store, we’ll give you a 10% discount.

You may be looking at this living room set here, and you may want to ask me, “Jeanette, have we somehow been transported to 1994 England, and are we in Princess Diana’s Buckingham Palace quarters?” Well, the answer to that inquiry is, no. But it’s a damn close call with our Royalty Set, complete with 2 lamps, couch, love seat and rug. In fact if you mention “hideous car wreck” when you enter our store, we’ll throw in an ottoman absolutely free of charge.

Looking for a new bed? Look no further than Jeanette’s.
This Jeanette’s custom made queen size mattress is so comfortable, you’ll feel like you’re back inside your mother’s womb. Every single night. Sound too comfortable to be true? Well only Jeanette’s offers the mother’s womb guarantee – if our mattress does not prove to be as comfortable as you remember your mother’s womb to be, we will be happy to give you a full refund. All this for only 499.99.

This bed frame is made of genuine oak. Or Maplewood. Or something of that nature. But it definitely came from a tree that our own Jeanette’s lumberjacks cut down by hand from the park down the street, making it 100% wood of some kind. That’s a Jeanette’s guarantee.

This one over here is our brand new “Serenity Bed”. Sit down with me, won’t you? I’m already so relaxed, and I’ve only been sitting on this bed for… a few seconds, now. So you can only imagine how relaxed you’ll be after a few… hours. Of full on sleeping. It’ll be like a little slice of heaven. As you drift off to sleep you’ll be able to hear God himself whisperin’ to you, “child, you have made me proud, and I reward you with this custom Jeanette’s bed.”

So come on down to Jeanette’s. You probably won’t find any place like us. And we know you don’t feel like lookin’. We’re right here in Fall River. Jordan’s furniture is a good 20-minute drive, and you’d have to get on the highway for that. We know you’re sick of that lazy boy you found on a sidewalk in Dorchester. And you know that case of scabies wasn’t just coincidence, either. So come on down and let us sell you an exciting, new recliner. We’ll even help tie it to the roof of your minivan. In fact if you say “minivan” when you enter our store, we’ll do all the labor for free. Plus I’ll throw in a footstool, a 6 pack of AA batteries, some light bulbs, and 2 of my own children. The good ones, from my first marriage. So get down to Jeannette’s before these deals expire. Jeanette’s: because hey, you’re sick of lookin’.