I Invite You to Follow My Day's Events, Translated into Straight-to-DVD Horror Movie Titles For Your Convenience

I Know That I Didn't Shower This Morning

G Train: The Waiting

Mysterious Mysteries of the Unexplained: Why Men In Suits Insist on Elbowing Past Me on the Most Crowded Train Platform in the Universe So They May Have the Distinct Pleasure of Being That Four Extra Inches Closer to the Front of a Line That Isn't Even Moving

The Dying Death of the Dead: Enter the Cube

I'll Bet They Have Excel In Hell: The Mailer-Daemon Demon Musical!

Let It Bleed: This Paper Cut Looks More Serious Than Average, I'd Better Apply Pressure, Does Anyone Have Any Gauze?

The Grudge: Is It Totally Fucking Difficult to Not Knock My Lunch Over in the Refrigerator and Cause the Salad Dressing to Leak Out of My Cheap Dollar Store Tupperware and Create a Giant Mess that I Must Clean My Damn Self or Risk Being Seen as Inconsiderate Even Though I'm Not Even The One That Did It?

I Still Know That I Didn't Shower: Baby Powder Can't Conceal Those Greasy Roots Forever

March of the Damned: My 20 Minute Stroll Around the Office, Sporting Faux-Determined Facial Expression, Possibly Toting Notepad, Thereby Convincing Coworkers That Said Stroll Has Purpose Other Than Time Wasting

The Three (Times I've Had To Redo This Project Due To Misunderstanding Basic Instructions)

I'll Always Know That I Didn't Shower: Maybe a Ponytail..?