How to Renew Your Driver's License: a Guide.

1. Remember all at once, out of nowhere, just like that scene in Home Alone when the mom suddenly, violently remembers that they forgot Kevin, that your driver's license has been expired for two months.
2. Almost cry with relief when you discover you can renew it online without having to drive to any strip mall or talk to any human being.
3. Agonize over whether or not you should become an organ donor.
4. Forget if your middle name appears on your Social Security card.
5. Accidentally click the "back" button when you're half way through filling out the form, so the RMV web page is replaced by your Google search results for "what is the point of a box spring".
6. Return to RMV web page and start from the beginning.
7. Begrudgingly fork over 50 clams via "electronic check". (What?)
8. Almost delete the confirmation email they send you when you're done, after self-assuredly misidentifying it as spam.

Easy!

You may be asking yourself, "what do people google that leads them to this blog, and how much time do they then spend at this blog?"

The answers would be "putting human waste in the trash" and "zero seconds," respectively.

James Joyce Roller Derby Names

Maims Joyce

Stephen Dead-alus

Molly Boom

Molly Doom

Leopold Tomb

Fuck Mull Again

Paddy Dig 'Em

American Body Types

Pear

Apple

Hourglass

Ping-pong paddle

Half-melted dollop of sour cream atop a baked potato

Accordion

Poland Springs water bottle

24-pack of Poland Springs water bottles

Muffin

Are You Pregnant?: A Guide. By the State of Arizona.

(Before taking this quiz, please reference.)


Did you select the red bra before work this morning, knowing you have a date later? SEX-PLANNING. PREGNANT.

Have you ever let your gaze linger on the label of a pot of Newman's Own salsa? The one where illustrated Paul Newman is wearing that adorable sombrero? MIND SEX. PREGNANT.

Do you use OK Cupid? VIRTUAL WANTIN'-IT. E-PREGNANT.

Have you ever worn a dress without undies? THE WIND HAS BEEN ALL UP IN YOUR SHIT. IMPREGNATED-BY-NATURE PREGNANT.

Did a construction worker give you a lecherous glance on your way out of Dunkin Donuts this morning? MIND SEX. ACTUALLY MORE LIKE MIND RAPE, SINCE YOU WERE NOT WILLING. EITHER WAY THOUGH... PREGNANT. TAKE IT AS A BLESSING.

Do you use Super tampons? LOOSE VAGAY. PREGNANT.

Did you weirdly get your period twice this month? FIRST PERIOD CANCELS OUT SECOND PERIOD AND EQUALS MISSED PERIOD. PREGNANT.

Have you ever heard a Marvin Gaye song? DOUBLE PREGNANT.